


If You Wanna Be My Lover (Gotta Get With My Friends)

by meridian_rose (meridianrose)



Category: Da Vinci's Demons
Genre: Alcohol, Community: 100_tales, Established Relationship, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Leo is clueless as usual about relationships, Light Angst, M/M, Nico & Riario, Riario has self-esteem issues, Slash, Slightly Fluff, Slightly crack, The Scooby Gang - Freeform, Timeline What Timeline, Zo & Riario come to an understanding, drinks on me, leario - Freeform, not sorry, there's no explicit sex but Zo is a potty mouth, vanessa & riario
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5645023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianrose/pseuds/meridian_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo wants his lover, Riario, to befriend the rest of the Scooby Gang, and Riario does his best, asking forgiveness, trying to make amends, and buying drinks. However Zo proves difficult to win over; perhaps his new found friends can help Riario come up with a plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Wanna Be My Lover (Gotta Get With My Friends)

**Author's Note:**

> I have so much fic, DvD and otherwise to be writing, but a Youtube mix threw 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls at me and the line "If you wanna be my lover…" seemed like the perfect prompt and title for exploring Riario's attempts to bond with Leo's friends and this happened. I've tackled the subject before, but this is a much shorter, more canon compliant (not modern au), and more lighthearted fic, though with a tiny bit of angst because Riario has self-esteem issues. It's almost crack; I don't know when it's set because it's mostly season one, but the Leario is well established as if they've been through significant character and relationship development.  
> This also fulfils the 100 tales prompt 'forgiveness'

"Leonardo."

Leo blinked lazily, one hand moving to pet Riario's leg. "Hmm?"

"Where were you?" Riario's tone held a note of accusation. They'd talked about this, frequently.

"I wasn't anywhere," Leo protested.

"Physically you were in this bed, but your mind was elsewhere." Riario bit back a sigh. "You promised I would be your centre of attention at times like this. That if I am to bare my body and soul to you, that you would give me the decency to be fully present and appreciate it."

Leo stared at him and guilt bloomed in his hazel eyes. "I'm sorry." He kissed Riario, a soft apology pressed to his lips. "I don't mean to let my mind wander. I love you, and I love having you in my bed."

Riario's expression softened. "I adore your clever mind," he assured Leo, running his fingers through Leo's tousled hair. "I ask only for a few moments of uninterrupted companionship."

A frown creased Leo's brow. "See, that's what I was just thinking about, that you remind me of my friends. They say similar things. They want me to share parts of myself with them, and have to me truly acknowledge their presence in my life. And I find that difficult, sometimes. I get distracted."

Riario gave a soft laugh. Leo's lips quirked into a wry smile.

"It's worse now, though, because of you," Leo said, adding hastily, "it's not your fault. It's just that I don't have so much time for them because I have to keep you, well, separate."

"Separate?"

Leo sat up, gesturing with his hands wide apart. He waggled one hand. "Nico, and Vanessa, and Zo." He shook the other. "You. Otherwise," and he drew his palms together with a sharp clap.

"That is an exaggeration," Riario said, folding his arms. Honestly, he'd threatened to cut out Zoroaster's heart one time and yet he never heard the end of it.

Leo let out a long sigh. "I want us all to be happy."

"Specifically?" Riario asked, because with Leo it was important to get details.

"I want you to be friends with my friends."

Riario considered this. "Nico. Vanessa." He hesitated. "Zoroaster?"

Leo nodded, beaming. "Yes! Exactly." He seemed to have taken Riario's words as a promise, for he kissed his lover long and hard.

Riario soon had Leo's full attention, and afterwards he was too exhausted to argue, and too content and full of affection to want to upset Leo by refusing the request.

*

"Leo said that?" Nico looked up from the scroll he was working at.

Riario folded his arms behind his back. "He did."

Nico shrugged. "You never did actually apologise for torturing me, you know."

Riario's expression fell. He bowed his head. "Signore Machiavelli," he said, voice low and gravelly, "I humbly beg your forgiveness for my actions. I did not wish to cause you pain, but in my desire to please the Holy Father I have made many terrible decisions and committed many deplorable actions. I regret using the Widow's Tear upon you and I apologise most profusely. If there is some way I can make recompense, ask it of me."

Nico dipped his quill a few times, his expression thoughtful. "You really are different, aren't you? But Leo does have that effect on people. Let's just say you owe me a favour."

Riario bowed low.

"And a few drinks."

"As you wish," Riario said.

"All right," Nico said and, as simply as that, it was one down and two to win over.

*

Vanessa eyed Riario with suspicion. Her hands went below the bartop, possibly seeking a weapon. "We're not open yet."

"Not even for me?"

"I don't think we serve anything a man with such refined tastes would enjoy," she countered.

"Perhaps you're mistaken." Riario perched on a barstool, tugging off his gloves.

"What do you want?"

"To drink, or in general?"

Vanessa lifted her chin, hiding her fear. "Why are you here?"

"Leonardo," Riario said. "He wishes for us to become better acquainted."

She relaxed a little at Leo's name. "I think you're already very intimately acquainted with him," she said archly.

"You misunderstand," he assured her. "Due to the, uh, intimacy I am currently enjoying with him, Leonardo has decided it is imperative I become familiar with his friends. He wishes for me to become acquainted with you."

She gave him a long, appraising look. Then she fetched a small stool and climbed on it to reach the top shelf on the wall behind the bar. She pulled out a dusty bottle from behind a battered crate. Riario eyed the bottle as she placed it in front of him.

"Do we drink it, or clean the bar with it?"

"Ignore the label," she said, putting two glasses on the bar. She tugged the cork free and poured amber liquid into both vessels. "If I were going to poison you, I'd be far more subtle."

He nodded, though he waited for her to take a sip of her drink first.

"You think this will help?" he asked.

"Can't hurt."

The first glasses were finished. An uncomfortable silence fell.

"I am not exactly sure how best to approach this," Riario confessed. "I do not think you are the sort of woman who would appreciate the shallow diplomatic charm I would usually bring to bear."

"Probably not," she agreed, refilling the glasses. "You don't become friends the same way you become allies."

Riario picked up his drink. "I would not know. My life is such that I have only enemies and allies of various intimacies. I do not really have friends, the way Leo does."

Vanessa stared at him. "That is so sad."

He shrugged.

"We should find common ground," she said. "I mean…there's Leo…" She trailed off uncertainly.

"You were a nun," Riario said with sudden inspiration. "I was raised in a monastery. And while I have never taken the cloth, I have become head of the Papal Army."

"That's true," she agreed. "We have a background in faith."

*

"And the mother superior gave him this look like hellfire," Vanessa said, waving one hand around and almost spilling her drink. "And she said, 'You may disagree, young man, but I assure you the Bishop was quite satisfied!'"

Riario laughed out loud as Vanessa dissolved in giggles.

"Oh God, I'd forgotten about that," she said, empting the last of the bottle into their glasses. "You're a bad influence on me, Riario, telling me that story about the Duke. I'll never hear his name again without thinking about that poor duck."

Riario picked up his glass. "We've finished the entire bottle?"

"I'm afraid so."

"I can pay. Probably." Riario patted at his jacket with his free hand which Vanessa for some reason found hilarious.

"And we didn't get to the good part," she said. "Where we exchange more personal stories."

"We need a lot more drink if I'm to talk about my issues with the Holy Father," Riario said.

"Not what I meant." Vanessa deliberately waited until he was taking another sip before saying, "I was going to tell you how Leo took my virginity."

When Riario had finished choking he shot her a fierce glance. "That was unfair."

"If you want to be part of our gang you have to put up with the banter," she returned.

"Yes," he groused. "But you wouldn't like it if I told you about my sleeping with Leo."

She laughed again, leaning over until her forehead touched the bar. She looked up, gasping. "Oh, you're adorable. You don't think I have to hear all about Leo's conquests from his own lips, especially when he's had a drink or a smoke?"

Riario gave her a hurt look. "Dear God."

"Not all the details," she assured him. Then she gave a smirk. "But I know about the riding crop."

Riario buried his face in his hands. When he recovered somewhat he licked at his lips, rather sobered up by the turn in the conversation. "We shall be much better friends if you refrain from repeating Leo's tales of conquest to me, and from repeating any of them involving me to third parties."

"I can do that." She cradled the empty bottle. "This one is on me. But you're buying next time."

He would be buying drinks for some time to come, but that, at least, he could do. Two down, then.

*

Zoroaster was cheating at cards when Riario found him. He cheerfully waved off the losing men and pocketed his winnings, scowling as he laid eyes on the count.

"Lose your way, your lordship?" Zo asked, the title sounding like an insult.

"I was looking for you."

"Why?"

"Leonardo," Riario began.

Zo jumped to his feet. "Is he all right? What you have done to him, you prick?"

"Calm yourself," Riario said. "Leonardo is, last time I saw him, quite fine."

Zo glared at him. "What, then?"

Riario gave a long suffering sigh. "Perhaps you would allow me to buy you a drink." It seemed to have worked with the others and Zo's reputation was that he could drink an entire tavern dry, funds permitting.

This only drew a suspicious look. "You'd probably poison it."

Riario made a mental note to apologise to Vanessa for the offence he'd caused when he'd accused her of much the same thing. "I assure you, I am not here to kill you. Quite the opposite."

"How's that then?"

"Leonardo would prefer it if we were less antagonistic. In his wild imaginings he thinks I can become friends with you."

Zo laughed hysterically. It wasn't nearly as attractive as when Vanessa had laughed at him because it that was at least half as much with him, and they'd both been rather drunk. Riario's cheek twitched and one hand closed around the handle of his dagger.

"That's a good one," Zo said. "You been at Leo's stash? Had a little smoke, my Lord?"

"It was not my idea," Riario said.

"Yeah, yeah, Leo's idea. But you know how many of his ideas are doomed to crash and burn." Zo snorted. "Wait, what happens if you don't win me over?"

Riario lifted one shoulder in a shrug. Zo's eyes lit up.

"Does he dump you? Is this a test? Oh, this is too precious. Come on, then, you slimy bastard. Do your best." Zo folded his arms. "Maybe you can suck my cock."

Riario tried and failed to damp down his anger. He reacted not with violence, however, but in kind. He took a knee, which startled Zo, who no longer looked so sure of himself.

"You will have to explain to Leonardo why you required me to service you," Riario said. "And I must warn you," and he grinned, "I have a tendency to bite down when I am excited." He clicked his incisors together. Zo actually stumbled backwards.

"You're a right wanker," Zo fumed. "Fuck off."

Riario got to his feet and left without a backward glance. Two down, but Zo was going to be a problem.

*

Nico was moving chairs around while Vanessa stacked clean glasses. Riario entered and this time she didn't tell them they were closed.

"Riario," Nico greeted.

Riario tipped his head. "It is my understanding that friends may request assistance from one another."

Nico snickered. "Yes. Pretty sure you weren't brought up in a cave."

"Be nice," Vanessa said, flicking a bar-rag in his direction. "Yes, Riario. We are friends now and you may request assistance, though we may not be able or willing to help."

Riario took a seat near the bar, Nico hopping up on the stool next to him. "Zoroaster," Riario said without preamble, "is proving troublesome."

"That's sort of his thing," Nico offered.

"Indeed. But Leonardo mentioned the three of you by name. He wishes me to ingratiate myself with Zoroaster too. Do you have any suggestions as to how that might be accomplished?"

"Buy him a drink or three," Nico suggested.

Riario shook his head. "He didn't trust me enough to allow that." He sighed. "I get the impression he's jealous."

Nico and Vanessa nodded in unison.

"It is hardly my fault if Leonardo chose me over him," Riario complained. "He is going to deliberately stand in my way and make it impossible for me to please Leonardo."

"I'm sure you please him in other ways," Nico said, giving a smirk.

Vanessa flicked at him with the bar-rag again. "Don't look so forlorn," she told Riario. "Leo won't break things off with you over this. He knows Zo can be stubborn."

He gave her a gloomy look. "I wish I shared your optimism."

She rolled her eyes and pulled out a bottle. "Let's see what ideas we can come up with."

*

One glass of wine later three of Nico's ideas had been discarded and he was sulking a little.

"It might be difficult to obtain a marmot at short notice," Riario pointed out again, trying to mollify him.

Vanessa gave a shriek. "Oh, I know. There are all those stories and plays about damsels in distress, and how the hero rescues her and they fall in love."

Riario gave her a sideways glance. "I don't wish to have Zoroaster fall in love with me."

She gave him a playful shove. "But if you rescued him, he'd be grateful. You know, get a couple of people you trust not to rough him up too much. Have them jump Zo in an alleyway and then you show up in the nick of time and save him."

Everyone considered this for a moment.

"I can think of several things that can go wrong with that plan," Riario said at last. "But you have given me something to think about. Thank you."

Vanessa nodded. "Pay for the drinks this time," she said.

"Mine as well," Nico added.

Riario sighed and reached for his coin purse.

*

The guard dragged Zo from his cell, twisting Zo's collar painfully against his neck.

"Are you sure, my Lord?" asked the commanding officer, eyeing the prisoner distastefully.

Riario looked Zo up and down. "Yes. Even the lowest of creatures have purpose," he said, "and I have use for this one. I trust the payment is sufficient?"

"Yes, my Lord," the officer agreed.

Moments later Zo was blinking in the sunshine, rubbing at his wrists and neck. He was a touch scruffier than usual, but otherwise unhurt.

"Why?" he asked Riario, who hadn't said a word to him yet.

"Because you are Leonardo's friend," Riario said. "And if his friends must be mine, then I must step in where I can and offer my assistance."

Zo gave him a dark look. It cost him dearly but he managed, "Thank you."

Riario inclined his head in acknowledgement. "A little less smuggling henceforth might keep you from being arrested in the future."

"Sure," Zo said without sincerity. His eyes narrowed. "We're not friends."

Riario said nothing.

"But I am grateful," Zo conceded. "And if Leo asks, well…I'll tell him so."

It was as good as he was going to get, so Riario smiled and walked away.

*

"You should have seen his face," Riario crowed. He was leaning back in one of the chairs in the tavern, one leg propped up on the chair next to him, a drink in hand. It was after closing and Nico and Vanessa were at the table with him. "I think he expected Leonardo to be bailing him out. It was a shock to have me be his saviour."

Vanessa shook her head. "So you framed him?"

"No, not at all. That's the best part," Riario said. "He was guilty. I didn't have to frame him, or jump him in an alleyway. I just had to let word slip about Zo's latest escapade and then clean up his mess for him. And had he been arrested without my interference, which was likely enough, he might well have hanged, which ought to buy me some appreciation. I believe we have come to an understanding."

Nico nodded. "That's very devious."

"Thank you."

"Not sure it was a compliment."

"I shall take it as one anyway." Riario sipped at his drink.

Leo wandered in at that moment. He came to stand behind Riario, dropping a kiss to his forehead. To his credit, Riario did not shy away from the public display of affection. "You wandered off," Leo accused him.

"You said you would be five minutes working on your project," Riario said. "That was over two hours ago. I got bored and so I came to see our friends."

Leo opened his mouth to protest, closed it, and then said, "Our friends?" He looked to Nico and Vanessa who nodded their approval.

"That is what you wanted, is it not?"

Leo shoved Riario's leg from the chair and sat on it himself. "It is. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I am fairly certain I have mentioned it on numerous occasions."

Leo looked at him, surprised. "Oh."

"He even bailed Zo out of prison today," Nico offered helpfully.

"Oh," Leo said again. "I see."

Riario frowned at Leo's tone. "It was a test, wasn't it?" He sat upright. "One you thought I would not pass?"

Was that it? He was supposed to fail and then Leo could break things off and it would be Riario's fault?

"No," Leo said anxiously, placing one calming hand on Riario's knee. "No, I just wanted you to get on with everyone so we could all be together sometimes."

"And so Riario would have friends to turn to when you ignore him," Vanessa said softly.

Leo shrugged. "I don't mean to ignore anyone."

"We know," she said. "But you get caught up in your work."

Leo turned his full attention to Riario, leaning in to stare into his eyes. "You surprised me," he said. "I never thought you and Zo could be in a room for more than five minutes without someone getting stabbed. But you've made the effort. For me. I – I'm so proud."

He leaned in and Riario let Leo kiss him, despite the audience, and that he did so probably deserved more of Leo being proud, but they'd have that conversation later. It might lead to more intimate rewards, ones that Riario drew the line at having an audience for. Though Vanessa had already moved to fetch more a glass for Leo and Nico was studying the bottles of wine, giving them a moment of almost privacy.

"And if I had failed?" Riario asked.

"It would have made things difficult," Leo admitted. "But I'd have kept hoping things would get better. What did you think, that I'd withhold affection?" He studied Riario, seeming to read his mind. "Break up with you? Is that what you thought? Oh, Girolamo, no. I'm sorry if that's what you assumed. I love you. I will always love you. I'm not going to leave you just because you and Zo are both stubborn as mules."

Riario gave a wry smile. "I am not accustomed to unconditional affection," he said.

"You'll have to become accustomed," Leo said and kissed him again.

One devoted lover, two close friends, and one grateful acquaintance. Riario felt that, on the whole, things had turned out far better than he would ever have dared hope for.


End file.
